TRAGEDY AT THE MALL

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No, it would be cruel of me to upset you further. No tragedy. But this did happen: I had to go over to the mall because the Main St. Starbucks was closed on account of water, and D'Egg's coffee is watery. So about 30 seconds into the mall, a knight crashed into me. A knight! I sure wasn't anticipating being run into by a knight, I'll tell you that much. I was grateful he didn't break into knight-talk, like "methinks I shall split you in twain, sir!" He just said, "Whoa, sorry, dude!" which got me to thinking that I had walked into the shooting of a twisted sequel to Bob & Ted's Excellent Adventure, but I didn't see any cameras or gaffers or best boys, so I ruled that out. In this day and age, you feel kind of secure in the knowledge that you can venture out into the world without running into people from medieval times, but you would be so wrong. And in my personal book, knights are so close to pirates on the unexpected-and-annoying-encounter scale, that there's not a dime's worth of difference between 'em, to quote the late George Wallace. For some reason that I cannot begin to fathom, pirates keep showing up at art-related events that I attend. Last year, it was a little student show in some little gallery, and I was dragged there by some friends, all unsuspecting and shit, and there in a corner were: pirates! I just cannot conceive of the planners of this thing saying, "okay, now, we've got light snacks, a cash bar, are we missing anything? Oh, wait, let's have pirates!" Same thing happened recently at some kind of arty-boothy kind of event at the Selden Arcade. For no earthly reason, pirates showed up. And these are not quiet pirates either, not by a long shot. These are the kind of pirates who have other pirates rolling their eyes.And now we've got knights, too? I don't know, man, what kind of world is it we're leaving our children, that includes costumed figures from other eras bumping into you and singing shanties and crap like that?