If there's one thing I've always lacked, it's gravitas. Well, I've always lacked a whole lot of things, but gravitas is right up there with the leaders. In fact, my lack of gravitas is so great that it sucks up the oxygen in whatever room I'm in, causing others present to swell up and appear to have increased gravitas, thereby further reducing my own gravitas. If left to its own devices, this phenomenon could eventually result in my disappearance into a gravitas-version of a black hole, but I always break the cycle by slithering out of the room before critical lack-of-mass is reached.
And what kind of way is this for someone of my advanced years to be whining? By now, I should be a retired Halliburton executive or a Professor Emeritus warming my seat in the Sphincter Chair for Advanced Conte Crayon Studies at Fuckwit University, for cryin out loud, instead of playing The World's Oldest Teenage Crybaby here in Brackishwater Virginia. That said, I could also be someone for whom living in Chesapeake would be a positive thing. So all in all, I guess I come out ahead.
Oh, and here's an emoticon for you: