PAINTING ON VELVET

hair.jpg When I looked in the mirror this morning, it was like The Picture of Dorian Trump. I must have been restless in my sleep and stuck my finger in an electrical outlet. It's kinda depressing to have old-man hair instead of the luxuriant flowing locks of my youth, back in the Depression. Hey, that sentence was sort of circular. Cool. The other day, someone told a friend how to find me in a restaurant: "Just look for a white-haired guy." I don't want to be known as a white=haired guy. Why couldn't they have said, "Just look for a really talented guy"? Would that have been so hard? No, I kid my hair, but I really love it. Except I seem to be getting some kind of male-pattern hole in the back. My tall friends point it out, cause I never see it, thank God. So far cotton balls seem to help. I'm not really this vain and self-centered. Am I? Do you think I'm vain and self-centered? What else do you like about me?