MEN EATING PASTRIES

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It's not a pretty sight, but I've taken a vow to record reality with an unblinking eye. That would be my left eye. the right one can blink till the cows come home. Which, how would I know when that is? Is some farmer going to call me up? I don't think so. Just another one of those sayings that turn out to be lies. I got an email yesterday whose subject line said, "Your future, oyster-free." Do I need to bother adding that the content of the email didn't even begin to live up to the promise of the subject? It wasn't remotely about oysters! Well, maybe remotely, involving, as it did, sexual topics. More promises of increased proportions, to aid in the getting of women. I'm kind of skeptical about the whole premise, never having spotted an opportunity, while having a casual conversation with a woman, to work in the subject of my penis length. Which is just as well, since it would no doubt have led to my being beaten to a pulp. Unless I told the truth, in which case it would have led to muffled snickers. I would consider such an encounter a success if it led to a Snickers with a capital "s". But they rarely do. Muffled or otherwise.