LOOKING COOL FOR THE LADIES AT STARBUCKS

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I swore to myself that I was going to ignore any further messages from Alyssa, since she had been giving me such contradictory signals. But when one came in entitled "Want to on top all night?", I thought to myself, okay, there's no mistaking this invitation, there can't be any harm in reading it, can there? I mean, even if I don't want to on top all night, I'd like to on top for a minute or two, depending. Inside, she tells me how I can become a Sex Giant. I had to stop and think about that one. There have been occasions when I would have liked to be a Sex Giant. But I don't think I'd want to be one all the time. Like at Thanksgiving. "Don't carve the turkey yet, the Sex Giant hasn't arrived." And would I have trouble buying clothes? If you don't stop and think about these things, then you end up in the soup. Even if you do get more work done during the day. So I decided to go ahead and click on the link, to see what the methodology is to achieve Sex Giant status. I mean, Alyssa did go to the trouble of alerting me to this possibility, and seemed to imply that if I were to become a Sex Giant, then I could on top all night. I figured it was worth a shot. So I clicked on the link, and was taken to a site featuring a picture of two members of the Coast Guard, and I thought that was a good sign, because the Coast Guard is known for honesty and moral rectitude, even a bit of stuffiness. I mean, how many times have you seen a bunch of brawling men in uniform spill out into the street from a bar, and they turned out to be Coast Guard? Not very often, I bet. But doggone it, the site is selling the same old pills! I've been trying to tell Alyssa the pills are not working! And they're really expensive! But okay, this time it's the Coast Guard, and maybe it's worth one last try. So here goes nothing.