SOMETIMES MY SIDEWALK IS BLUE

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That sounds like the title of an inspirational book, doesn't it? Sometimes My Sidewalk Is Blue. Speaking of inspirational, another church around the corner has displayed a cryptic message on its porta-sign: TESTING FOR THE ABUNDANCE PSALM 66 12. My immediate suspicion, of course, was that they were just pushing my buttons, and that it was totally meaningless, but I actually looked up Psalm 66 on the internet, and yes, it's all about God testing us to see if we deserve the abundance he's about to shower upon us--well, upon those of us who call ourselves Christians. All of us humans who have either never heard of Mr.Christian God, or who have been taught by our parents to worship a different God, are in for a different kind of abundance, in the form of brimstone and hellfire for all eternity. The good news is that all we evidently have to do to become deserving is to pay Him effusive compliments, tell Him what a Great Guy He is, how terrific that white robe looks on Him, etc., etc. He seemingly can't get enough of this brown-nosing, and would be happy if we spent our entire waking hours praising Him for all His good works, which, according to Him, include bountiful harvests and blue skies, but not pestilence and famine, which are our fault. He would have made a great corporate executive if He hadn't chosen the deity career path. I've met people who shared these character traits, and they're not the kinds of people I'd like to hang out with. So I guess that means I'd better cross that abundance thing off my list.