STARBUCKIANS ON STORE RECEIPT TAPE

I'd like to start wearing a mouth protector to work cause I think it looks cool. You know, that plastic thing that football players wear in their mouths and then spit out in between plays, and it hangs from a strap on their faceguards with spit ropes swinging off it? Of course, then I'd have to wear a helmet, but I don't think I'd mind that. I could listen to my iPod Shuffle and nobody would know. I'd probably look sort of autistic with that get-up on, but I am, kind of, anyway. And I think it would probably help me at my job because people would be afraid that I'd jump up and tackle them on the spur of the moment, so they'd be more inclined to handle me with kid gloves. Not literally, of course, that would be kind of creepy. Don't need more creepiness. It's creepy enough to have a job at all. To go to an "office" and answer the "phone" and have "co-workers" and all that stuff. And sooner or later it leads to having to "step up". And anyone who knows me know that I'm not a step-upper. I'm more of a step-back-into-the-crowd or step-into-the men's-room-until-it-blows-over kind of guy. I'm just not cut out for adulthood, tell you the truth. Which can be a real liability for someone my age.