SKATING STRAIGHT TO HELL

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Our humble little ice skating rink opened next to the MacArthur Center last weekend, and by nightfall it had attracted some unwanted company: these two vigilant idiots were haranguing the skaters with visions of hellfire, which sounded pretty attractive at the moment, there being a nip in the air. The combination of vigilance and idiocy is a potent cocktail, as the religious right seems hell-bent on demonstrating to us. But what in the world could have set these guys off? Maybe they were drawing a connection with dancing, which everyone knows is just about the pinnacle of evil, involving as it does a physical connection with the opposite sex. But to conjure up visions of ice skaters in their ice skater clothes behaving lasciviously is like imagining the Michelin Man and the Pillsbury Doughboy going at it. Just a teensy bit farfetched, but like the man says, when you're a hammer everything looks like a nail. Or maybe a woman said it, I don't know.