PEOPLES

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This is what people look like here in Norfolk, in case you were planning a trip here. Might want to reconsider Haiti, huh? No, we're all pretty average. Now, Chesapeake, there's a different story. They all look like screaming banshees from Hell out there. Well, no, on the surface they look even more average than us normal people, because they're not too fond of ethnic types, but the screaming banshee part just oozes out their pores, it's impossible to hide. Stepford South. No shit, you know what their biggest concern is down there, what they devote every waking hour to, outside of McChurch? Lawn care. I swear. If you let your grass grow 1/8 inch longer than regulation, the Forcible Re-education Committee pays you a visit. I say this from sad experience. I don't think it would be overstating things to say that Chesapeake is one giant viper's nest of pure evil. Okay! that felt good! My first Chesapeake rant in a while. You can't see me, but I'm doing that head-roll, shaking-out-the-arms thing, getting ready to take on the world. Bring it on, assholes!