THINGS TO DO WITH A BALLED-UP SHEET OF PAPER

paper.jpg

1. Throw it as hard as you can at someone in authority (travel to Washington, D.C. if you have to.)
2. Imagine it's a snowball and lick it and shout "Shit! My tongue's stuck!" (This works better in the presence of other people.)
3. Balance it on your head all day and when people stare at you, say "What?"
4. Pretend it's a crystal ball and pretend to see into the future, and then live your life according to your pretend vision.
5. Unball it and write down the date and time, then ball it up again. Continue doing this until you become famous for doing it.
6. Use it to exfoliate.
7. Go on a balled-up paper diet.
8. Close your eyes and visualize world peace. Then stamp angrily on the balled-up sheet of paper until you've achieved some kind of emotional balance.
9. Go to a vending machine and buy a Snickers. Eat it. (This is an activity you can do even when you don't have a balled-up sheet of paper.)
10. Make another balled-up sheet of paper and conduct imaginary conversations between them. Continue this activity until quitting time.