Anyone who has seen I, Robot knows that the revolt of the machines will take place any day now. I believe it's already started. My iPod Shuffle definitely exercises its own malevolent will over me. It's not coincidental that it plays songs designed to embarrass me with anyone within earshot, and believe you me, those earbuds are not soundproof--there are plenty of people within earshot. And I swear I don't have any Herman's Hermits on my playlist, that's what I'm talking about! This evil iPod has the ability to pick dumb songs out of the ether. I wouldn't be surprised if it started playing "Horse With No Name" or whatnot. And it would aid in your enjoyment of this story if you understood that there really is a song called "You Fat Bastard", by a group called Bad Manners, legitimately on my playlist, and I would be happy to send an mp3 of it to anyone who has an urge to be similarly humiliated.

The "hell that is my daily life" refers to my extreme sensitivity to how I imagine others view me, which plagues me wherever I go. I have friends who tell me, in an exasperated tone, to just do what I want and not worry about how others respond, but that's like telling me to have long legs. It's wired into me, and can't be undone, except on a temporary basis with the aid of foreign substances. Or on my blog, where I can be revolting, and everyone thinks I'm just kidding. The joke's on you, assholes! No, I don't really think you're assholes, I really want you to like me. Dorks! (Just kidding.)