BUSINESS

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If I had gone the business route, wore suits and shit, talked the business talk, let's bottom-line this, I could have ended up like one of these guys. I'm not saying there aren't decent people going around in suits. I'm sure there are. Law of averages and all that. But I'm so suggestible, it would have brought out the worst in me. And I have to say, law of averages notwithstanding, if I'm talking to a guy in a suit, odds are he's playing some kind of suit-guy role, and comes off as a little less human to me. This is grossly unfair of me, I acknowledge this. But, you know, on the occasions that I have had to put on a suit, I find myself acting a little less human, being condescending to waitresses and whatnot. Looking for other people in suits to make eye contact with. Oh, I know, this is just so much sour grapes. I've always wanted to drive a Beemer, and I know I never will. Oh, hey, I just heard a funny joke on The History Channel. Man's on an elevator. Woman gets on. She say, "Can I smell your balls?" Taken aback, he says, "No!" She goes, "Well, then, it must be your feet." Hey, it was the History Channel. You can't fault me here. Well, of course you can, but you shouldn't is what I'm saying.