BRITNEY: I DON'T WANT MY KIDS

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Okay, here's the Lord at work: I just spent a laborious 15 minutes changing one of the two bulbs in a ceiling fixture, struggling with rusty nuts on tiptoe until all feeling left my arms. Soon as I got it tightened up again with rubbery spastic arms, the other bulb went out. I'm a latter-day Job. Wait a minute, maybe it was Lot? No, Job. Lot was the guy who fled the Castro district & his wife turned to MSG (this is from the New Bible.) Job was the one who was beset with stuff. Just like me. Except he should thank his lucky stars they didn't have electricity back then. He would of been changing bulbs right and left and God be giggling up on his heavenly thrown. What a dick. Don't mean to offend any of you Christians out there, but here is this God of the Old Testament who is fickle and cruel and unfair and sadistic, and then when we're all beaten down, lying on the scorching sand sobbing, children dead, teeth missing, here comes Jesus, like he's all "do I have your attention now?" and he's all sweet and whatnot, wants to anoint us with oil and shit, and if I had been there, I would of said, "Dude! What about your DAD???!!"