SCENIC VISTA

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I'm not saying there aren't scenes like this in Norfolk, it's just that in Norfolk they're peripheral. They're on the periphery. Here in Virginia Beach, strip malls are essential. They're where you congregate, where you do your business, where you replenish yourself. Oh sure, they have that Brasilia on the Boulevard that they like to pretend is a downtown, but it's really just a strip mall with some hotels sitting on top of it. No, you got me: I'm just jealous. My fondest fantasy is to be knee-deep in my luxuriously manicured lawn massaging Scott's Turf Builder into my Pomeranian Fescue as I gaze at my platinum Cayenne, the one with the set of Big Berthas in the trunk. Hm. Think I'll head down to the 7-11 for a Slim Jim and a lottery ticket.