DEATH IN SUBURBIA

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Yes, this one works even better--thanks, pcb.

Yesterday I received an email from Oxsana that began,"Do you want something really huge inside your pans?", to which I replied, "Do you mean like a turkey? Yes, please." Because I really like turkey. Granted, it was an unusual way to word such an offer, but I put it down to the probability that, given her name, English was not Oxsana's native tongue. Unfortunately, she also must have misspelled the URL for the link she gave in the body of the email, because it led to a site called Canadian Health Care, of all things. I might have gotten suspicious of the whole business at this point, except for the reassuring photo accompanying the site's content:
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This is so obviously a thoughtful, well-meaning Canadian doctor and perky Canadian nurse, that the notion of some kind of scam immediately disappeared from my teeming brain-pan. See that? I'm introducing an entirely new meaning of the word "pan" to create a richer, more complex reading experience for you. No need to thank me. It's what anyone would do in my position. The only cloud in this brilliant Canadian sky drifted in when I read further. It appears that what this thoughtful doctor is most concerned about is the size of my penis. But he doesn't even know me! I'm just putting it down to a lucky guess. I have to say, though, this approach is not what I would have expected from a Canadian doctor. A French one, maybe.