A WHOLE PERSON AND SOME HEADS

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Getting around without a car is 6.18 times harder than with a car. I know you think I'm just saying that just to be funny, but you're wrong. If I were going for laughs, I would have used a funnier number, such as 5.73--it makes me giggle just to write it. Anyways, I did the math, and it's an accurate number. I've been boning up on string theory lately, and it definitely came in handy, because I discovered seven or eight more dimensions that came into play while doing my calculations. I won't bore you with stuff that's way over your head, but perhaps the simplest extra dimension is the changing-angle-of-the-particles-on-the-soles-of-your-shoes dimension. So, you may well ask, why don't you just ride a bicycle and quit your sniveling. Leaving aside the fact that sniveling is a richly rewarding activity, the truth is I would look like one of those pathetic bears in the circus, wobbling around the ring on their tiny bikes, especially if I wore my fez. And I'm sorry but it'll be a cold day in Hell before I give up my precious fez just to avoid looking like a performing bear in a circus riding my tiny bike around the ring.