I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, BUT THIS IS NOT ME

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Think, people! How could I draw myself from behind? No, no, no, I would never bring a full-length mirror to the beach and prop it up behind me and then hold up a hand mirror so I could see what I would look like from behind. First of all, if you've ever tried to carry a full-length mirror on a city bus, you'll know never to do it again, what with whacking dangerous-looking people upside they heads, one by one, as you make your way down the aisle. Second of all, and I say this with the strongest sense of irony I can summon up, because "second of all" is one of the dumbest things that can come out of your mouth, after anything at all that anyone in the Bush administration has ever uttered, I would never under any circumstances expose such huge gouts of wobbly flesh in any kind of public setting, ever. I'm not all that okay with doing so in entirely private settings. The closest I ever came to a heart attack was when staying at the Mondrian in Los Angeles, and my bathroom was paneled in mirrors. Why in God's name would I want to observe any activity in a bathroom involving only myself?? And negotiating things with your eyes closed only creates a whole new set of complications.

Isn't the blogosphere wonderful? I'm so glad I can share observations like these with you lot. I feel so close to you right now.