NATURAL/ARTIFICIAL

25 Things About Me

1. I hate "25 Things About Me" lists.

2. I really hate them. I really do.

3. There's something masturbatory about them.

4. Participants will end up saying things that will embarrass them later when they reread them.

5. My friends are always telling me how good-looking I am.

6. Like that.

7. I never mix mustard and mayonaisse. Never

8. Or that.

9. A friend of mine really wrote that.

10. He's an interesting guy, but not because he never mixes certain condiments.

11. Plus he misspelled "mayonnaise", which will not enhance his image.

12. For most people, this kind of list seems like a repository for info people have been hoping all their lives to be asked about, but never were.

13. "Do you have any condiment-eating rules?", for example.

14. I have received six invitations to participate in this list-making.

15. Damn Facebook!

16. Same thing with Twitter.

17. Who cares if I'm "in a boring meeting"?

18. This is teenage girl territory.

19. Don't they still make cute little puffy-pink-covered diaries with unicorns on the front for this sort of thing?

20. When I was 17, I murdered my family.

21. Maybe if people revealed things like that...no, not even then.

22. People could at least include recipes in their lists. That would be nice.

23. Everything I want my friends to know about me, they already know.

24. And I certainly don't want freaky internet strangers to know that I accidentally punctured my inflatable love doll the other day.

25. Forget you read that last one.