CAT

Cats are like lawyers. No matter how roundly you criticize them, no matter how much opprobrium you heap on them, they just keep blithely going about their business, just as if they weren't behaving disgracefully. As always, I issue the following caveat: any of you out there who happen to be attorneys, or happen to be married to one, and you know who you are, I'm not referring to you or your loved ones, I limit my impotent rage to every other attorney who was ever born. No cat I've ever met, however, deserves a Get Out Of Scorn card from me. They're all worthless wastrels who dig holes in your grocery budget and poop in your house and who, if you died in your sleep and they got hungry, would eat your face off. I wish I hadn't stepped on my cricket. I miss you, Wardell, my brother.