OUTER BANKS

One thing the Outer Banks Chamber of Commerce doesn't tell you is that the Outer Banks mosquito does not belong to the same species as your ordinary mosquito. The ordinary mosquito is like the Mother Theresa of insects compared to the Outer Banks mosquito. The OBX mosquito does not waste time with the niceties of landing and settling its little legs down on its victim's flesh, thus offering the victim a fighting chance to squash it, which is the only decent thing to do.  I try to have at least one ardent wish each day. To keep me striving or some shit.  After some reflection on what ardent wish to have tonight, I'm afraid i have only been able to come up with one that is ignoble, one that lets myself down and presents me in a Poor Light. I want the heads of every single OBX mosquito presented to me on a platter.  Next I ardently wish to cut off their abominable little heads, mix it up with caviar and send it as a "treat" from a grateful customer to the CEO of OFF.  25% DEET that stuff is and I might as well have applied honey laced with skeeter vitamins.  OBX mozzies are a tougher breed.  Like people called Cletus, The Moonshiner, they scoff at the potency of retail strength wares.  They have DEET-keg parties.  They look upon DEET as one might a bottle of Mad Dog. They are mean, and sick and life is cheap to them.  And I believe the CEO of OFF needs to get to know his foes a little better. To that end, as an outraged customer, it is my prerogative to try and poison him, or at least give him a bad dose of the burps.  Mosquito heads are regularly eaten as a delicacy by the hardy OBXers, but not even they have ever tried to eat them raw on toast points.  Bon appetit, Mister Cee-ee-oh.