PILE DRIVER AT REST

Happy Labor Day, everybody. Since I have been diagnosed as labor-intolerant, I won't be celebrating today. I take that back: I do have something to celebrate. I learned yesterday that I've been appointed an alternate on Obama's Southeastern Virginia Death Panel. I can't wait! I've already drawn up a tentative list. They're not all elderly, but they're all deserving. There's this one snotty kid who lives in the apartment building on the other side of my back fence, who makes faces at me and calls me "Old Man Taylor". Boy, has he got a surprise coming.