TRYPTOPHAN-ADDLED SIBLINGS

You have to assume that anyone who voluntarily spends the majority of their adult lives in Ohio already has a major head start in the Addled Derby, but stuff them with turkey, and you’ve really ramped up the addle-tude. That’s the only reasonable explanation for behavior such as purchasing a pink camera (true fact) or randomly uttering phrases such as “significant monkey” (another true fact.) Add throwing alphabet blocks at each other in nursing homes (yes, true) and you have a more or less accurate picture of the Taylor side of the family. The other side has filled the non-addled vacuum not with breakthroughs in stem-cell research but with viciously-played board games that would make a rampaging killer shark feel like an underachiever. And that’s pretty much the story of my Thanksgiving holiday.