TWO UNFINISHED MEN

I have one of these little laser pen things. We got it to play with Bernice, but she just looks away with disdain. Most disappointing, though, is its inability to burn holes through stuff. I aimed it at a woman at the supermarket for a good three minutes, and all I got was a little smoldering on her puffy down jacket. What about the ability to zip one across someone's midsection, and they just stand there for a moment and then their top half topples off? I know they have those, I've seen them in the movies.