FIGURE DRAWING GROUP

Tonight's event was dominated by continuous horrific attempts to speak with Irish accents, and I'm not exaggerating when I pull the term "horrific" out of my verbal portmanteau. At several junctures, I was tempted to hurl myself out a window, and was deterred only by the fact that we have no windows, a good feature for a figure drawing group, since such windows would quickly cloud over on the outside with spittle and fingerprints.

A new feature of Figure Drawing Group this week was a martinet at the door, who shook us down for extravagant amounts of money and performed body cavity searches, punctuated by humiliating dietary advice, such as "take it easy on the Doritos, Doug." This is an attempt to make us grow up and act like a professional organization, but several of us have signed a blood pact to thwart this effort at all costs.