A PLETHORA OF DEVICES

So, it turns out "plethora" is not the anatomical term for a naughty bit. That would explain why my friend Ruben has had no luck at all incorporating it into a pick-up line. Neither, it seems, is "plectrum", which I now see in hindsight is the reason my doctor looked puzzled when I told him mine was red and swollen. Vocabulary can be a minefield for the unsuspecting. To his credit, though, my doctor looks puzzled and mildly annoyed when I say anything at all. He sees any comment of a symptomatic nature I might make as a willful erection of a roadblock against the swift completion of his Anthem-sanctioned rounds. This is, after all, the best goddamned health care system in the world, if we would only let the private sector work its magic, its magic being defined as 10-minute symptom-free doctor visits, and none of these sneaky fucking pre-existing conditions neither. If doctors suddenly had to start listening to spontaneous complaints by patients, it would upset the actuarial parameters set by the private sector, and then the whole contraption would collapse in a heap. Because one thing the Republican Party and its conservative think-tank, the Tea Party movement, don't seem to understand is that the private sector consists of sweaty guys in polyester sport coats, just like the public sector. By the way, to all of you with delicate and retiring natures, my apologies for using the term "erection" in such proximity to "red and swollen". As my way of making it up to you, your next visit to this blog is totally free of charge.