WHAT I SAW ON MY WALK TODAY

I’ve been thinking lately about human cannonballs (Fr: les projectiles fous de l’humain) and several questions come to mind: where do you learn human cannonballity? How do you begin--are there intermediate stages, such as human catapult rock? Do you have to carefully watch your weight so as not to upset the ballistic calculations? What if you get up in the morning and just don’t feel like being shot out of a cannon? I know I have mornings like that quite often. What if you get an erection while you’re waiting down in the cannon tube? Would that make you hook or slice? And what if human cannonball technology falls into the hands of Islamic terrorists? Imagine the ramifications of that! This is the kind of thing that is taking up valuable space in my brain. Another is, I just remembered a series of commercials where a TV actor named Robert Conrad dared people to knock a battery off his shoulder. Whaat? This is exactly why I can’t understand string theory. The vacant apartment houses of my cerebral cortex are occupied by raffish and belligerent squatters, schooled only in pop culture from bygone decades.