HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

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I'm just brainstorming here, trying to come up with babe-magnet ideas. The physical deformities of advancing age, when added to the natural ones I was born with, combine to form a powerful repellent. But like I say up there somewhere, hope springs. Friend of mine says he has toes like cypress knees, yet he has a lovely wife. So why can't I? In fact, why can't I have his? Maybe on a timeshare basis or whatnot.