IF YOU BELIEVE IN A JUST GOD, EXPLAIN THIS TO ME

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I witnessed this very scene at Virginia Beach's Town Center, where I had no business being, I'll give you that one, but where I was nonetheless. This high-school kid in one a those BeemerPenisMobiles came hormoning down the hiway and narrowly missed me with a Taco Bell cup. If you ask me, society would benefit from rounding up everyone barechested in a backwards baseball cap and putting them on roadside clean-up duty for the rest of their natural lives. Cause you know otherwise they'll all head to UVA or Duke as legacies and join frats and sexually abuse 16-year-old African-American exotic dancers and graduate and get jobs being the kinds of dicks that make the business world such a pleasant place to dwell.

Okay, you're right, I'm just exposing my own feelings of inadequacy. These are the guys who used to snicker at the likes of me in 3rd period Problems of Democracy, and I never got over it. The guys who would come clattering down the tunnel in their cleats and make us marching band kids back up against the wall. I was the quintessential 90-lb. weakling. Well, I'm not 90 pounds any more, asswipes! Hah! Anyway(s), it's still true, what I said up there.