Ten things I vow to do tomorrow:
1. Peel off the breathe-right strips from the bathroom wall.
2. Eat only whole Tostitos, and not the broken ones.
3. Find the damn earpiece to my glasses.
4. Offer Steve $10 to kiss a security guard.
5. Sing along to my iPod on the bus.
6. Not confuse the toothpaste and the heel balm.
7. Call everybody I meet "champ".
8. Think of a new slang word for crystal meth.
9. Pretend my name is Francis Edward Bartlett