TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL PEACE DAY

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Not that you'd hear about it in the good old U S of A, where words like "international" and "peace" are seen as sneaky passive-aggressive criticisms of our country and its policies, which is not at all surprising, since we all know foreigners are a sneaky and passive-aggressive lot anyway, and jealous to boot, and every single one of them would start packing their little cardboard suitcases the moment we waved a deed to a neo-Colonial with two-car garage in suburban Maryland in front of their decadent little faces.

Good start, huh? I'm told that this is a day not only for advocating international cease-fires, but also for looking inward and nurturing peaceful feelings within. Which is kind of a tall order for me, since every aspect of my life seems to be roiling with turbulence, seething with discontent and maladjustment. Which is also, as I well know, the perfect opportunity, since feeling peaceful when your life is at peace is a piece of cake and teaches you nothing. So I guess I'll take a stab at turning my gaze within and try to find that kernel of serenity and oceanic calm. Or I could just go down to the vending machine and get a Snickers. I'll get back to you on that.