TRAGEDY IN NORFOLK: AIR MATTRESS SPRINGS LEAK

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Yes, I sleep on an air mattress. It's comfortable, okay? But unlike regular mattresses, it's capable of deflating. This morning I woke up feeling like I was submerged in a ball pit. Or in a perfect foam cut-out of my body like one of those aluminum suitcases for cameras and shit. It took me 20-25 minutes to actually get out of bed. So now my whole day is blown. According to some unwritten rule, if I deviate from my morning regimen in any way, then the structure of the day collapses, and I just flop around aimlessly, accomplishing nothing. Which has its own pleasures, don't get me wrong.